Planned Parenthood Unearths Records of 27 Trump Abortions.

In what is obviously a diabolical plot to discredit America’s most Flag-Standing-For and Christ-Kneeling-For First Family, notorious Amazon dot com, but of embryo parts, Planned Parenthood, announced that they have physical medical records that detail twenty-seven abortions having exact D.N.A. matches to Donald Trump.

The records, on various media formats including paper, 5 1/4 inch floppy disc, and bootleg Atari 800XL computer cartridge, all pertain to Planned Parenthood centers in New York State, all match His DNA as father, but vary wildly for the data provided as “Mother’s Name”. In one case, a simply scrawled : “Blonde At White Castle” in the President’s handwriting was evident. Others included : “Porky Broad Motel 6”, “Judge Jeannine”, “Mom’s Nurse”, and one that simply read : “Woops. Affleck Gonna Be Pissed.”

As the story broke, White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders announced that no comment had yet been readied, removed her shoes in front of gathered media representitives, and broke into a run, flinging herself out of a second-floor window and onto a lower-balcony collection of yellow rosebushes, originally planted by former First Lady Nancy Reagan, which is the epitome of a class move. Sanders was last listed in “good” condition and is responding to stimuli.

Spokespeople for Planned Parenthood have been unavailable for direct comment, but an inside source revealed to our reporter that more names and details may be forthcoming.

May God have mercy on their souls.